Checklist faith

For so long, I've looked at my faith as a checklist of what I was doing right or wrong by the standards of God's teachings in the Bible. I have lived each day taking those areas in which I fall short and have made it my mission to purify my heart in that area.

In the last year in particular, I have worked a lot on modesty and being particularly careful so that my dress isn't distracting and wouldn't cause another man to fall. I have worked on my patience this year and have gotten several opportunities to practice patience... especially as a newlywed! I have worked on my anger, and have made great improvements on how I respond to others. I have also worked on listening - truly listening to someone instead of thinking of what I'll say next.

I don't claim to be perfect at any of these things, but I have recognized my short-comings and am working to improve in these areas. God has given me an eye to lovingly recognize my flaws, and scripture and His guidance to purify my heart. Years ago I would have called myself a believer in God, but have come to be a follower of God. After these years of refinement, I was able to check off a laundry list of ways that I was following God, and as a result, I fooled myself into believing that I was following Christ with my whole heart.

From the outside it looks like I'm living a pretty good Christian life and to be quite frank, I believed I was too. But I've come to realize that I have a huge area in which I am lacking - worship.

I do authentically worship on Sundays at church, I frequently sing praise songs around our apartment (just ask Scott!), and I do take the time to thank God for the little things throughout the day, but I'm not sure it's out of passionate love and affection for my God.

I had been so distracted for many years with my "checklist faith," that I missed worshiping Him with an abandoned heart. My mind was constantly racing with new ways to improve myself and live more for Christ that I have failed to just bask in the glory of God - to just sit and be quiet before Him and to just enjoy his presence.

Inadequacy

When I was in high school, I remember heartbreak after heartbreak of not being invited to things by my friends, my sense of humor not being understood, my values not being valued, and the list goes on. I remember constantly feeling rejection from those around me. And not just my personality... other things too: my voice was never quite good enough, I rarely placed in dance competitions despite this hobby consuming my time, etc. I remember pouring every ounce of my soul into friendships only to be talked about behind my back, or to be ignored or not called back. I remember feeling so lonely and inadequate.

It's been a beautiful thing to look back at who I was and reflect on my transformation. Today, the same things continue to happen, but knowing who I am in Christ gives me the confidence I need to shield myself from the arrows of the enemy that try to pierce me with feelings of inadequacy and feelings of being left out. The enemy tries to make us feel alone, tries to isolate us, and keep us from sharing feelings such as these, because when we are most isolated, we are most vulnerable to his attacks. And when we do shut ourselves down, it is giving him power over us. I am so thankful that today when I begin to have feelings of inadequacy, that I remember that God created me, loves me, and has bought me with the blood of His son. And because I am a blood-bought daughter of The Most High, I know that I am loved... and that gives me all the confidence I need.

Bible in a year.. ha.

Previous plan to read the Bible in a year... aborted.

Too thirsty for Christ's words. We've been spending most of our time in the Gospel or reading Paul's letters... and loving every second of it.

Thoughts from Genesis

So we just started a "Bible in a Year" reading plan. Basically, if we read 3 chapters a day, we'll read the whole thing in a year. It's been 3 weeks, and we're only in the 20's in Genesis. We've reading about every other day, but often jump around, based on what Sunday's message is about, our particular struggles for the week, what's on our hearts, etc.

Maybe we should rename our plan to "Bible in a Year-ish... or 3."


Genesis 1:29 (NIV) "Then God said, 'I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that he fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food.'"

Genesis 2:16-17 (NIV) "And the Lord God commanded the man 'You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die.'"

My thoughts? Reactions?

If Adam and Eve are given permission to eat of any tree with seeds, but they are not to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil (let's call it TKG&E), this must mean that the TKG&E a seedless tree. As I dug deeper into this thought and wrestled with it for a while, I realized how profound it would be for this tree to not bear seeds.

All of us know basic science - the seeds of a tree indicate that the tree came from another tree, and that those seeds will then disperse to create a new tree... and so the life cycle carries on.

God's existence is infinite. He was not created, He is the Creator. No one, nothing, no power came before him, and none will outlast Him. He is the Alpha and Omega. Interestingly similar to this tree.

Trees have seeds. It's what they have grown from. But it is so appropriate for the tree of the knowledge of good and evil to simply exist.

Back to blogging, in the 'Burgh

Hello friends!

I took a few months sabbatical - but I'm back! And writing again from the 'Burgh. This season of my life in Pittsburgh is a little different though - I recently got married, and my wonderful, creative, pure-hearted, God-loving husband has moved out here with me!

He says, "Hi."

I plan on sharing much like I have before, but also hope to document and share my/ our experiences as a newlywed couple. We've also committed to reading the Bible in a year(ish), so I plan on sharing some of our new discoveries as well.

Grace and peace to you!
Ana Sidor... ;)

Coming soon...

I haven't truly sat down to write anything in the past few months. Partly because I've been busy, partly because I've been doing a lot of seeking, discovering, and growing and am not sure how to commit my thoughts into words. I speak truth, and I try to do so in love. And I want to be sure that when I do commit my thoughts into words, that the words are spoken lovingly.

Here are some topics I think I'll be writing about soon:

The living, active Word
(Non) Universal Beauty
Obedience vs. excellence


Ps. 77 days until I'm Mrs. Scott Sidor!

Modesty

This has been on my heart for awhile, but I wasn't sure how to put it into words. But these women say it all. I could not say this any better myself.

Women, please read and consider your brothers in Christ who are trying their best to maintain purity of the mind, body, and eyes. This is a topic that is often talked about, but the "why" behind it is rarely discussed.

http://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/roh/today.php


I'm not sure the above address is linked to the same article. Maybe time for a post of my own sometime soon? (1/21/11)