Checklist faith

For so long, I've looked at my faith as a checklist of what I was doing right or wrong by the standards of God's teachings in the Bible. I have lived each day taking those areas in which I fall short and have made it my mission to purify my heart in that area.

In the last year in particular, I have worked a lot on modesty and being particularly careful so that my dress isn't distracting and wouldn't cause another man to fall. I have worked on my patience this year and have gotten several opportunities to practice patience... especially as a newlywed! I have worked on my anger, and have made great improvements on how I respond to others. I have also worked on listening - truly listening to someone instead of thinking of what I'll say next.

I don't claim to be perfect at any of these things, but I have recognized my short-comings and am working to improve in these areas. God has given me an eye to lovingly recognize my flaws, and scripture and His guidance to purify my heart. Years ago I would have called myself a believer in God, but have come to be a follower of God. After these years of refinement, I was able to check off a laundry list of ways that I was following God, and as a result, I fooled myself into believing that I was following Christ with my whole heart.

From the outside it looks like I'm living a pretty good Christian life and to be quite frank, I believed I was too. But I've come to realize that I have a huge area in which I am lacking - worship.

I do authentically worship on Sundays at church, I frequently sing praise songs around our apartment (just ask Scott!), and I do take the time to thank God for the little things throughout the day, but I'm not sure it's out of passionate love and affection for my God.

I had been so distracted for many years with my "checklist faith," that I missed worshiping Him with an abandoned heart. My mind was constantly racing with new ways to improve myself and live more for Christ that I have failed to just bask in the glory of God - to just sit and be quiet before Him and to just enjoy his presence.