A late night revelation

I came home to an empty apartment with Scott away for the night on a retreat. I wasn't uncomfortable being alone, but something definitely felt a little off. Upon returning home around 12am from ice skating and coffee with friends, I was faced with a choice about how to spend the rest of my evening alone. It crossed my mind to read the Word or to spend some time in prayer, but since it was so late, and I was really trying to forget that I was alone, I decided to watch an episode of a tv series that a friend lent me on dvd. Since I wasn't very tired, I was really hoping than an episode or 2 would tired me out and put me to sleep.

One episode turned into two... times 3,4,5? I don't even know how many episodes I ended up watching, but it was A LOT. Each time an episode ended I didn't feel any more tired, and in fact I found myself really wanting to find out what happened in the next episode. Getting closer to the end of the season, my appetite for this show became insatiable - feeling as if I wouldn't be full until I had seen the last episode. Well, I finally got to the last episode at about 3:30am and was just starting to feel a little tired. As we all know, season-enders are always cliff hangers, and this last episode was a sad one that left viewers uncertain of a character's fate. I felt a tear welling up and the fullness I thought I'd receive from finishing the season was instantly drained. The course of the events that transpired in the last few minutes of the show literally left me feeling absolutely hollow inside.

I didn't get it - I sat there and watched the whole season, and how was I repayed? How was I "filled?" By witnessing a tragic life event in a character's life and feeling their emotional pain. Instantly I made a connection to how much this can relate to my spiritual life, and what started as one tear shed for the character's sadness turned into a waterfall of tears for my own spiritual deprivation.

I became instantly aware of the fact that we so often fill ourselves with things the world has to offer. We think that once we have it all (the end of the season for me), we will be complete - we will be satisfied.

Some have an unquenchable need for social acceptance, others feel fulfilled when we achieve good grades or have a job lined up. Others find false love in the arms of another - in a relationship that is not glorifying our Creator. And for others, it's not the presence of a sin, but an absence of passion for the person of Christ. And the list goes on...

I believe the craving for these false-fillings can be rightly filled by simply rejoicing in Christ and finding our acceptance and worth in God. My prayer is to have an insatiable attetite and thirst for God's word and to seek love first and foremost through Him.